Well, last couple nights had some good dinners lunches with people who want to know the stories of my latest days of singlehood. Got me thinking a lot of it. Mostly I've just been ruinning around ignoring it.

Truth be told, I'm comfortable being single right now.

The worst thing i can lose in my life at this point is my freedome. I hate having to tell where I'm going, what I'm doing what I'm planing. I'm not a baby sitter, I don't want to be the most important thing in someones life. If i go there i want to be the backround, along for the ride. I just want it to be relaxing heh.

There are just things in relationships I really don't ever want to put up with that drives me absolutly crazy. You know, the simple things, like getting in constent arguments, having to sacrifice times with friends i've known for years, playing abnoxious mind games where I'm suposed to be clairvoient, and such.

I like spotinaity, dedication, and happiness. If I'm to go into the world of the "non-single" my expectations are different than before. I used to be wandering, looking for anything. But, it's different now.

I don't want to take care of someone. I want someone who can make it with out me. Strong willed, indipendent, and confident. Likes sports (baseball basketball football), movies, music, theater, the snow, and can formulate indipendent thought without offending everyone around them. I want to call and say, "hey, some of the guys want to just hang out and play video games for a while if you wana chill there" and I want the response to be, "nah, you do your thing I'm going to go do something with my firends/work out/read/etc." Or I want to be able to say, "man, you want to go to vegas?" and the response ot be "sure, let me pack see you in 15 min." The first time someone waves a check list or itinerary in front of me, I'm gone. hehe.

Most importantly, acceptince. To understand and know, I strive to be a teacher, where my dedication is to improve someone elses life. To know what teaching really is. That, its not about doing what you love, but having to somehow comunicate it to people who could careless about what you have to say. To be in a class full of students, who take History because they have to, and somehow use it to channle something positive. That's why 75% of teachers leave, they discover it's not about doing what they love, but trying to communicate to those who could care less, and get paid absolutly nothing for it. To know, I'm not going to shower shiney bit of coal, or expensive dresses, cause I make barely enough to survive.

In other words, I'm only going for the "perfect fit."

Anything less, I'm not going to dive into. I don't have this inate fear of being alone for the rest of my life. As Blair said, "there are going to be about 1000 kids from frineds who see you as, 'Uncle Ryan'" and I agree with that. Esp after last night, where i get to see so many of those who ment a lot to me. Just how it goes. I'm not going to settle for less and learn to love and all that fun stuff.

Soooooooooooooooooooooo this just means I'm single for a loooooooong ass time.

And unlike before, unlike the thousands of sappy entries over years past, the whining, the complaning, the bitching and the moaning, i feel completly different. Just sit back and enjoy the ride a little bit more. The freedome. The not having to sign in and sign out, and to spend some time doing what i like to do.

I'm not knocking people in relationships. To many, they all like and want exactly what I want. They want freedome and the ability to do things they love, but to them doing it with someone else. They find what makes them happy within others, and their dreams and aspirations involve that person.

Like always, I'm just a little different. :)

-Marteney