There was a point to all this...

The natural order of things that is...

Elementry school to middle school to high school to a jc to a University to probably grad school to teaching program etc etc etc.

End result= Low paying, thankless job of a teacher.

Awesome huh?

But as I sit here and read about the 2,000th page of this semester, I sit back and feel as though I'm wasting life.

If life was sitting, reading, and writing an interpritive paper and then open class discussion... I think I'll just kill myself right now.

I guess this is always the back drop in life, the mover so to speak.

The study of history and political science really have no strong affect on the world. If history was important we wouldn't repeate... but we do over and over again.

So why make the goal teaching it? It's what comes with the territory I guess. I never had more of a complete feeling then I did when I was a coach. A mentor to younger ones. I was called a "wise old man" by my peers and by my players. And it has always been a good feeling to have someone come back and say, "you made a differince in my life."

No this is just the process we go through... the game. If what we LEARNED were truely the important thing... wouldn't Zack and Tommy be the most qualified?

Sitting back and reading... and writing... I realize this all doesn't mean anything unless it can have an actual working affect.

I feel blessed and lucky to have so many people call me and meet wiht me before I moved and tell me, "you really did change who I am Ryan" or, "you showed me things that no one thought possiable Marteney".... even the couple of people who are fatherless and said, "I want you to walk me down the aslie and give me away"

Those strike deep inside.

Even a simple, "I love you" from my gorgeous Sam... means the world to me.

It's slowly working here too, while at lunch with some class mates one just randomly comments, "you really are just a good person."

I guess it is selfish... I want to be seen in that light... I want to be the one that matters.

And as I put my book down and stand out on the deck and stare at the stars... I realize.. my stories, my friends, and my acomplishments are more than some people achive in a life time.

But those are to my eyes only.

the world beyond the books and the walls.. and the tests and the papers... the hoops we jump through... so we can make a differince.

That's what matters to me. Not let them down, and always be there. And change lives for the better.

Not many people can say that.

-Marteney