"I don't want you to leave"

Each time I hear it is a dagger in my chest, turning slightly to the right just to make the wound bigger.

I get home every night and all I can think of is... "why...am I leaving again?" and I remember, "Right...when I applied there was no point in staying."

Now however, there is. Many reasons actually. For starters, I work a job that I make very good money on, and I'm very comfortable, and do it just fine and have no stress and get along with everyone there.

School, ended up being a breeze. Good grades, no problems, fun classes, you know the works.

Friends are great, got a poker night, got a Martini night, and got a bowling night. Nice, relaxed, uncomplicated.

Most importantly...i have a girl in my life who brought balance to everything and the proceeded to keep it that way. A girl who is absolutly amazing, even if she sleep through the first part of Star Wars. She really is just a great person to be around, to hang out with, to fall asleep next to, to wake up with, to hold, and to love. With a year long history now of everything that has transpired between us, it has been one hell of an unending roller coaster of a ride. And even tonight, when I didn't get a chance to say good bye to her, her smile got me through the night, and I was still sad as I sit here that I didn't get a chance to say good night.

It is a dream sometimes. Finding this balance in life almost over night. Forgetting and forgiving all sins of the past, and coming to terms with my life, and what direction to move. All the while, gathering stories with my friends, and living out a romantic fairy tale of a relationship, with a girl so amazing and so gorgeous I don't know how I ended up on top. I feel as if I've almost got the life I want, like this is how it was suposed to be, and I question why I've got to go so much when I have so little there and so much here.

But I have to go...

And one person comes up to me today and goes, "She's really going to miss you when your gone," which brings it home even more. If you think she'll miss me, I can't begin to fathom the words to use to describe how much I'll miss her.

A long time ago I asked for one more chance at this... the whole relationship game. And while, she isn't even my gf, she's so much more. This... in my life will never be toped. It all played out perfectly, the ups te downs, the pure story to it all.

I guess to me that's what life is, a story. "To understand the History of man you must throw out logic and rationality before you truely understand." There is no black, white, or absolutes to this world. Just a collection of people, each individual writing there own story, a book of their lives, so they can read it when it's over. And this romance, is a story that no one can beat, and can't be beaten, and I will never try.

I've got my wish, my one more shot at it. And by god, am I making the most of it.

-Marteney