As I phase in and out of a somewhat strange mood as of late, my mind seems focused on everything that isn't.

The catch phrase(no pun intended) as of late has to be, "What are you looking at?"

At Dodger Stadium as I stared off into the dysmall abyss of a 9-0 loss... my thoughts circled over and over... of how much of my life was there. From days and days with my mom and dad... and from night games. This sacred place where I saw a perfect game... and where I got my first real kiss. To now.... where it has become a symbolic gathering place of bad puns and shattered hope, all while still hiding behind a smile and a foot long Dodger Dog.

At work, I stare and look around and faces, some who have been there longer than me, some just as long, and some much shorter. Where, no matter how bad the work can be, it's the people that make the place special. Where my life was spent almost every week, in every corner of that store, with endless amounts of stories and good times. A place where I made my first REAL money... and where I fell, when I told myself I wouldn't. It's where I met her.

And then there's her...

"What are you looking at?"

The answer is so long and so complex and so cliche that she would never believe me. But, in those scilinces, I stare into her eyes, and her smile, and I think of everything that has been. That story I'm living, the ups and the downs, how, her voice can make a bad day good, and her company can get me though any situation. I'm looking at hope behind a bottle of cream soda an innocent smile. I'm looking at the person who I've let get close and have grown so attached to in such a short amount of time.

I'm looking at a person who...I never want to look at in a different way, who I don't want to let go. Who I want to hold onto... and not let go. The one person who took that chance on me. The one who gave me something i can't describe, and how I wish a 1000000 times over I could fall asleep next to and wake up with.

It may seem like a dream....it may be only another great story lost forever in the folds of time of two crazy immature kids lost in eachother....it's that dream is what I'm looking at. And sometimes a dream is a dream for a reason. Sometimes we have to wake up from dreams... but sometimes we achieve them.

-Marteney